People in families usually have patterns of behaving. In our families, we develop routines and rituals and we react to similar things in similar ways each time. For example, it could be that children are expected to get up by themselves for school, make their own breakfast, pack their lunches and walk to school or get the bus while their parents are getting ready to go to work. Or it could be that, whenever the family sits down to eat, the father is the one to talk about his day and, if one of the kids tries to talk, he is shushed or told not to be so selfish and to listen to his father. Or maybe, when a child comes home from school, Mom is there to welcome her with a snack, listening to whatever happened that day.

Each of these habitual patterns of behavior create feelings and beliefs in children. In the first family, maybe one child will feel “everything is up to me; I can’t expect anyone to be there for me or help me.” Another child might feel free to create her own routine and feel “my parents trust me to do this; they don’t limit me.” In the second family, one child might become afraid of the father while another becomes angry that he is not allowed to express himself. In the third, one child might feel taken care of and listened to while another feels intruded upon.

Whatever the reaction, it is created by a combination of the parents’/siblings’/relatives’ habitual behaviors and the child’s interpretation of these behaviors and the beliefs that the child develops as a result of these interpretations. Most parents don’t deal with children in consistently positive ways. Many parents actually cause pain in their children and in some families, there is emotional abuse, physical abuse or sexual abuse.
» Read more: Healing Dysfunctional Childhood Family Patterns